I have started a blog chronicling my adventures in Berlin. If you're interested in my progress, or if you're just really, really bored, you can check it here:

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It was a decidedly lovely if oppressively hot Thursday morning in the office. The large, tall windows were open but there was no breeze so it was terribly stuffy. The sound of hundreds of fingers efficiently stabbing keyboards at 1,891,248 words a minute was cutting through the thick air.


As I typed at 14 words a minute an email notification raised its head from the bottom right of my desktop to alert me of something very important and serious to do with something very import and serious, I pursed my lips and lowered my eyebrows as it was clearly important and serious. The frantic cacophony of Germanic fingers rattling on keyboards continued unabated until another email alert peeped up over my task bar. As if it could be possible, this one was more important and serious. It read:  

Subject: BOMB FOUND!!! ATTENTION!!! VERY IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS!!

I read on, there were some incomprehensible words that I can only assume were German and referred to something about a very important and serious bomb being found. Thankfully there was an English translation...  


Hi everyone,

because of a bomb that was found at Oberbaumbrücke, we might get evacuated by the police. So please prepare yourself for the worst case, if you hear banging on your door it is the police, so that you can leave the building as fast as possible. We will let you know ASAP if the evacuation will take place.

Your office team


Cool! I already knew the office team were extremely efficient when it came to the timely provision of stationary, it turns out they’re great at crisis management too. Plus, the prospect of spending two hours in the beautiful sun as a result of evacuation was somewhat appealing.

It turns out that a few years ago the allies attempted to hit the Oberbaumbrücke Bridge (the one in the header image of my blog) but narrowly missed. I’m pleased they did, the Oberbaumbrücke Bridge is a truly beautiful one and despite its diminutive size it gives the Golden Gate a run for its money in terms of charm. (Current structure erected in around 1900, it spanned the border of East and West and in the Cold War apparently the Americans and Russians exchanged spies across it, now drunk people urinate there).

As details emerged, I learnt that a bunch of chaps performing maintenance on the bridge came across a dormant 250kg British bomb from WWII that could really do some damage. It had been snoozing in the River Spree for the last 60 odd years. I am reliably informed by the internet that is the equivalent of this man’s weight in high explosives. A scary prospect.

Confronted with this state of panic, two colleagues and I did what any wise and right-thinking people would and decided to head straight towards the centre of the bomb area and evacuation zone for a spot of lunch. We enjoyed a delightful vegan gratin served by a woman whose face was etched with fear. Each shout of ‘ACHTUNG’ from the Police loudhailer visibly filling her with more distress, she was keen for us to leave so she could move her outdoor tables in to safety. We duly bid her farewell although I was concerned she was about to have a heart attack. It is normally a very busy thoroughfare but the street was eerily deserted now, aside from Police shouting through loudhailers.

I felt partly responsible for the disruption and chaos and wondered if I shouldn’t go up and apologise and ask if I could take the bomb as technically it belonged to me. I observed the seven foot tall police officers decked out in armour and grave expressions I decided probably best not to.

I couldn’t really understand the fuss though. Apparently the discovery of benign bombs is common place in Berlin but it always causes a stir. One thing is sure, British engineering isn’t quite up to scratch and our stuff is always faulty so no wonder there are so many duds lying around. I guess we went for quantity instead of quality.

It turns out they dredged the bomb from the river bed and defused it on a boat surrounded by TV crews and cameras. I took the photo below after work on my way to have a lovely evening in Prenzlauer Berg. Once the issue had been resolved public transport resumed to normal precision timing and Berliners got back to important business of wearing hats, cycling and smoking.

It was a good source of entertainment. My German colleagues also took a refreshingly light hearted approach. However it did make me think that it wasn’t so long ago Europe was in such a state of turmoil that it makes the current Middle East situation look like a minor scuffle.






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